The Life of a Fangirl…

I Wanna Hide The Truth, I Wanna Shelter You But With The Beast Inside There’s Nowhere We Can Hide

Good news everyone! I have finally finished the next chapter of my fan fiction Salvatore, As In Savior! 🙂 It took a while but now it’s done and well, here it is 😉

Salvatore, As In Savior 

Chapter 4. The Ball and the Disappearance

It was 5.30 AM when I gave up on getting any sleep. All night I had been tossing and turning around in bed. But I still kept trying, in vain, to get some sleep.  But I realized that after over seven hours of trying, I probably wouldn’t get any sleep. So I took a quick, hot shower before going outside to take a walk in the woods. The weather was nice in the morning. Misty, which is something I’ve always been fascinated with. There’s mist everywhere, except for exactly where you’re standing. Because you can see clearly for about a meter, then there’s more mist and you can see no further. After having lived as long as I have I still didn’t understand how that works. But that wasn’t what I was thinking about. And even though I’d had all night to figure everything out, I still had no idea what to do about Kol, or Damon. But just walking around has always soothed my mind and it has always helped me think, and hopefully, it still would. I really need to learn how to keep my thoughts from wandering off like this all the time. Honestly, I think it’s weird that I’m still alive when anyone who wants me dead should be able to just come up behind me when I’m like this. But I guess I can sense anyone who’d want me harm because I’m an empath. But it wasn’t someone who wanted to harm me that came then. It was Kol. I swear sometimes I think he’s psychic or something. He always seems to know where to find me, and trust me, there’s nothing more annoying about him. Except maybe that people seems to always feel like they need to remind me that Kol and I are very alike in our behavior. That I could do without.

“What are you doing out here so early?” Kol asked me when he saw me sitting down on a rock. It was just at the edge of a meadow, where I’d always went to think when I was human. I hadn’t been there since before I was turned. But it was still the same. “Just thinking. You?” I told him as I watched the sun start to rise. It’s the place I’d missed most about this town. I’ve had so many chances to come there, but I felt I couldn’t. I felt like it wouldn’t be the same as a vampire, that I would ruin this sacred space of mine. I was wrong. It was just like it always was. “Alyssa, are you even listening to me?” Kol asked me and I felt somewhat mean. I’d asked him a question and I didn’t even listen to the answer. “You know, you’re really cute when you get lost in thought like that” he said and smirked at me. “You’re hilarious” I told him, ironically, of course, and punched his arm lightly and he faked being hurt and sat down beside me. I knew he was being serious about the part where he said I was cute, and that only made it worse. Why do boys have to be so stupid? And complicated? And confusing? I don’t date and I certainly don’t want a relationship. Why did he have to make that so hard? “Klaus is having a ball next week” Kol said to me, looking straight ahead. “Okay…” I said, uncertain of his intentions of this conversation. “What’s that got to do…” I began to say, but he didn’t let me finish. He gave me an envelope, which I was certain contained an invitation to the ball. Then he said he was going back home to get some blood. But before he left he felt the need to at least say one thing that would annoy me. “Save me a dance” he said, smirked and left. Why does he always have to smirk like that? It’s not fair game to smirk like that when you’re trying to be angry. Unfortunately, Kol knows exactly how his smirk affects me. And it infuriates me that he knows how to get to me. I opened the envelope and just as I had assumed, there was indeed an invitation to the ball.

The next day Caroline dragged me to town to go shopping, even though I already had a dress for the ball. But Caroline also said she was desperate for some girl-talk so I promised I’d help her find a dress. And by girl-talk, I mean Klaus-talk. And eventually, it would turn into Kol-talk. You know, after Caroline’s finished venting about Klaus and how to tell everyone about them. And she vented, a lot. We were in the dressing room when she asked me exactly what I’d hoped she’d forgotten. “So what’s up with you and Kol? I mean, Damon told us about…” I didn’t let her finish. I asked her about the dress and she came out of the dressing room in the most perfect dress she could’ve ever worn. Or ball gown, as it’s called. “You look amazing Care!” I squealed out. “Really? Good, cause I love it!” she said excitedly before asking me what was going on with Kol and me again. “I… um… I’m not sure” I admitted. “I mean, he asked me out like a thousand times, but… I don’t know” I said and Caroline smiled wryly at me. “And you don’t want to go out with him?” she asked me. “I don’t know. I’m not into the whole being emotional stuff, and I don’t even date… And it’s not like he’s any more emotional and all that than me”. “Yeah, but do you like him?” she said. “I don’t know. I think so.” I said and Caroline scared me half to death when she squealed and hugged me. “Maybe you should give him a chance?” Caroline said and I nodded and sighed. “Maybe…”

After having talked to Caroline, I felt a lot better and felt okay with going to the ball. I wasn’t sure of what I was going to do about Kol, but I knew I could always talk to Caroline if I needed to. It’s a nice exchange, talking to someone. Without being judged, I mean. After Caroline had bought the dress we went to the grill to get a drink. We were in the middle of a very heated conversation about how much better we’d look than everyone else at the ball when Kol interrupted us before we could enter the grill. “I hear you’re going to the ball” he said. I was about to answer him when Caroline interrupted my response. “Sorry, girl talk here. Go find someone else to bother” she said and dragged me inside. We were just about to order some burgers when Damon walked in with Kol in tow. It looked like they were arguing so I decided to eavesdrop a bit. Well, I would’ve had Matt not interrupted me. “Aly? Are you ready to order?” he said and waved his hand in front of me. “Yeah, sorry. I’ll have a burger with fries and a coke” I said but not really paying attention. I was looking at my idiot brother and Kol. I didn’t want them to cause a scene and that’s exactly what they were about to do. “You know what? I’ll eat later. I’m just going to make sure that they don’t do anything stupid in front of everyone” I said and pointed at the two vampires. They both told me that I shouldn’t get involved and they were right. But it was my fault that they were this angry at each other. They weren’t exactly friends before, but they weren’t exactly enemies either. Until I came back home, that is. But I couldn’t let them get into a fight in front of all those humans which would risk exposing our entire race. “Hey guys, why don’t you take this elsewhere? You’re causing a scene.” I told them in a hushed voice but they were being stubborn. None of them wanted to be the first to back down. “Why, so you and junior here can go hang out?” Damon said, despitefully. I laughed lightly and said “you know what Damon? I am sick of you trying to control every single damn thing I do!”  I was angry so in the heat of the moment I grabbed Kol by the neck and pressed my lips onto his. It felt like electric sparks going through me and it ended sooner than I’d wanted it too. I felt a hand on my forearm that was dragging me out of the grill. It was Caroline and she looked worried. “Seriously Aly?!” she asked me once we’d gotten to her house. “I know! I was pissed and he was there and… shit! What am I gonna do now?” I said in a squeaky and almost desperate voice, dragging my hand through my messy hair. “Okay, just breathe” Caroline told me, trying to calm me down. I didn’t know how much I cared about his opinion of me until then. “Do you think he hates me?” I asked her but she assured me that “no one sane could ever hate me”. Her words, not mine. Once we had talked things through about the two originals that held our attention at the moment, we realized it was late and we needed sleep before the ball the next day. Even so, I decided to get a drink before going home. So I went to the grill one last time that day and I ran into Rebekah. It had been a while since last time I saw her so I decided to catch up a little with her. “Thank god you’re here! I need your help with something” was the first thing she said to me. I told her to wait for me while I got drinks and then we could talk. I was about to sit down when she said she didn’t wanna talk there so we went to my place. She wanted help with Matt. “Look, Matt likes you. Trust me. All you really need to do is show him you care.” I told her. She didn’t know how to do that so I figured that maybe they just needed something in common. So I taught her football. The finest sport ever invented. I mean, you get to watch guys tackling each other for like an hour. It took a few hours for it to sink in completely but we made it and I even got a few hours of sleep before Caroline came to drag me out of bed.

Apparently you need the whole afternoon to get ready for a ball. But at least she and Rebekah are somewhat friends now, which meant that we could all get ready together. Who would’ve thought this day would ever come? All things considered, things were looking good. We were looking good. And we all had… No. They had dates. Rebekah invited Matt and Caroline had Klaus. I had me. But that was what I wanted. At least it used to be. Those days I wasn’t really sure of anything. But I had my friends and an awesome dress and I didn’t need anything else, right? I decided to not dwell on it and just have some fun. And possibly get a little drunk. But just a little. The weird thing was, the thing I was most worries about wasn’t if Kol hated me or not. What I was most worried about was if Damon would do something stupid if he saw me with Kol. But I didn’t have time to worry because we were already really late. Okay, maybe not really late, but late enough for people to wonder where we were. We took once last look in the mirror before we left. Caroline always looked like a princess when Klaus gave her dresses. Okay, he didn’t actually give her the dress but he paid for it which is practically the same thing. This time he ‘gave’ her a beautiful sleeveless and sparkling, black and gold gown and she looked amazing. Rebekah wore a red, one sleeved dress with glittering details along the waist and up the left shoulder and I wore a simple black sleeveless dress with a corset. I prefer the simple ones. They’re simple yet elegant.

When arriving at Klaus’s mansion Kol appeared at my side and said “So… yesterday was an interesting day” and gave me one of his trademark smirks. “Yeah… wait what? You’re not pissed at me?” He chuckled lightly and struck me a smirk before responding. “Now why would I be angry at you? Always happy to help a damsel in distress” he said. I gave him glare and he said “Ehm… I… I’m gonna get you a drink” and walked away. I was about to say something when I heard a laughing Elijah come up behind me. I turned around to face him and saw Katherine standing next to him. Right after I’d left to live with Stefan and Damon again, Katherine showed up saying she wanted to be with Elijah. We were all suspicious at first but then I saw them together and knew she was honestly in love with him. And if there is someone who deserves that it’s Elijah. I may not approve of her previous choices but Elijah trusts her, which means I trust her. Okay I don’t trust her per se but I do trust Elijah and that’s really all I need to know. “Alyssa, you look beautiful.” Elijah said to me and Katherine chuckled lightly and said, while grinning, “Yes, I’m sure Kol is appreciating the dress as well.” Now since Katherine’s always been good at bringing out the bitch in me, I just couldn’t resist responding. “Yes, I’m sure he is. Just as I am sure everybody else is enjoying yours” I said with a smug grin on my face and I could feel the look of all the vampires in the room and I could hear all of their stifled laughter’s. Katherine was not pleased but she kept her cool. She’d promised Elijah to play nice and I could see she was trying really hard but you know what they say, you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. It was going to take some time for her to get used to being a nice person but I think that she could do it. I’ve seen the way those two looks at each other and the love that they feel for each other actually makes me a bit nauseous sometimes – being an empath that happens every once in a while. I honestly do not understand why I am an empath, since I don’t really care what others are feeling and I am almost as self-involved as Kol. And I’ve never met another empath so I couldn’t exactly ask anyone how someone becomes an empath or why. I don’t like being one but it does come in handy when people are sneaking up behind me and they have bad intentions. Then I ‘feel’ that – most of the time at least – and can protect myself. But I do need to practice at not letting my thoughts wonder off like this all the time. It’s giving Kol too many chances to scare me, in lack of a better word, and I don’t like it. “A penny for your thoughts?” Kol says as he hands me a glass of champagne. I jumped slightly, a tiny bit startled. Just a bit though.

A little while after, Damon and I were in the middle of an argument about me and Kol, again, when the music started playing and Kol came up to me and asked me to dance with him. I was angry with Damon so I said yes. Although, I was not entirely sure that was my only reason. This whole thing with Kol was more confusing than the Doctors explanation of wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff. Not very confusing to others but very confusing to me. I felt him place one hand on my waist and the other in my hand. I was prepared for something traditional like a waltz or something but no, they went with a broken tango instead. Luckily I’ve had over a century to learn all sorts of different kinds of dances. “You’re a terrific dancer. Has anyone ever told you that?” he said once the song ended. “Some have, yes. Besides it’s not that hard to learn.” I replied and told him I had to talk to Caroline. I was in desperate need for some girl… I mean Kol-talk. Ten minutes later and I hadn’t found Caroline and then I saw Klaus talking to Rebekah. I walked over to them and asked them if they had seen Caroline but they hadn’t. I probably could’ve talked to Rebekah about what I should do about Kol but that would’ve been incredibly awkward and really weird so I decided to keep looking for Caroline. I saw pretty much everyone I know in this town but Caroline. I just could not find her. I called her like a million times but no luck there either. I was getting worried so I stayed when the ball ended and everyone left. I felt that Klaus should know that I couldn’t find her and that none of us had seen her since the first dance ended and she went outside to get some air. Things were not looking good for us, or Caroline. She was not at home and not at one of our places and we had no idea where she could be. So I tried to do a locator spell but it didn’t work for some odd reason. Then Bonnie and I tried doing it together and it still didn’t work. Not a good sign.

We were all gathered at the boarding house the day after, still no sign of Caroline. Bonnie and I had spent all night trying the locator spell but after the sun rose we were both exhausted and couldn’t continue. I tried to force myself to go all dark and all that black eyes thingy but I couldn’t so I continued to try the locator spell but Kol stopped me. He could see how tired I was. Actually, they could all see that. I didn’t want to quit but Kol dragged me away from the map and took me to my room to rest and as soon as my head hit the pillow I fell asleep instantly. When I woke up ten hours later they still hadn’t found her and I could feel myself getting desperate. I decided to do something no one should ever do. I decided to channel my own life-force to overcome whatever was keeping the locator spell from working. The only problem is that channeling your own life-force is dangerous and most of the people who do die a slow and painful death. But I figured that hey, I’m already dead so what’s the worst thing that could happen? So I went into the bathroom to clean up before taking a map, a knife and some candles from my drawer and then I left. Everyone else was either getting food or passed out from exhaustion, which was good for me because I didn’t want anyone to know what I was doing until after Caroline had been found. There was just one problem. Kol. In some weird way he always seemed to know when I was going to do something stupid, where I was, what I’m thinking and how I feel and practically everything about me. It’s incredibly annoying. I had just gotten to my meadow – yes I call it mine – when I heard branches break behind me. I turned around and there he was, worry in his eyes. But not worry for Caroline, worry for me. “So, what’s the plan?” he asked me. I began to say I had no idea what he was talking about but I knew he would know I knew what he was talking about. “Don’t give me that bullshit. I know you have a plan that could somehow be a danger to you. I’m not stupid.” I didn’t know what to say so I turned around and placed the map on the flattest rock I could find. Then I took out the candles and the knife from the bag I had put them in. “Whoa, what the hell are you planning to do?!” Kol said and took away the knife from my hands. “I’m trying to find my friend!” I said, my tone a bit harsh since I didn’t want to waste unnecessary time when I could be finding Caroline. Kol however did not see it that way. “I get that but I’m not gonna let you risk your own life!” he shouted at me, obviously getting irritated but it was kind of sweet. And I hate myself for thinking that. I’m just not that kind of girl. Being sweet and all that is not really my thing. “Well why not? What’s it to you?” I shouted back. I kept thinking of different situations Caroline could be in and I was worried and I couldn’t keep my thoughts or emotions in check which ultimately made me snap. And when I snap, I get angry. “Because I’m in love with you! Okay? I… I’m in love with you.” he said and it started out as yelling but ended in a whisper. I was shocked even though I already knew he had feelings for me. The whole thing made me think of the conversation Caroline and I’d had before the ball and I didn’t know what to say so I thought that it would be better for me to just focus on one thing at a time and finding Caroline was my top priority at the moment. “I… I need to find Caroline.” I said and began to prepare the spell. My hands we shaking and when I went for the knife Kol took it away and put his hand on my chin to make me face him. “This is not the way, okay? Caroline would not want this.” I felt my eyes tear up and by then my whole body was shaking. I couldn’t handle all of those emotions and I felt my body give in. Tears fell down my cheeks and couldn’t stand up anymore. Kol caught me and sat down with me. He placed his arm around me trying to comfort me and I cried into his shoulder. I had never let my guard down in front of anyone but my brothers before. I was afraid people would think I was weak but I didn’t feel like that with Kol. Around him, I felt safe. It was a nice feeling. Unusual, but nice. We spent a few hours just sitting there and only realized we’d been there so long when the sun came down.  I was still worried, but I felt better after being with Kol. We hadn’t talked or anything, but it made me feel better.

When we were outside the boarding house I realized that I had just spent several hours crying. I didn’t want Stefan and Damon to see my like that so I just stopped in front of the porch. Kol somehow knew what I was thinking and said I could stay at his place for the night, and I did. After I left to live with Stefan and Damon, Kol got himself his own place. And it was closer to the boarding house than Klaus’s house is. When we got to his house he showed me to one of the bedrooms and began to leave. “Stay with me?” I asked in a hushed tone, not wanting to be alone in that state. I did not handle emotions well and being with Kol calmed me down. “Sure” he said and crept under the sheets beside me and I fell asleep in his arms.


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